fatness

Hmm, interresting question. I did it for the reason I have done most of the stupid things in my life. I gained weight because of a boy.
Now, before you go thinking I hooked myself up with a “feeder“, I will tell you all something personal.

If you really don’t want to know what goes on in the deep dark, personal bits of me – you should probably stop reading right about NOW. Okay, you have been warned.
I don’t really advertise it, and it doesn’t really matter in my everyday life – but I am one of the 1 in 4 women you know who was um, sexually violated and suffered abuse at the hands of a man. I was 21 years old, had gone to a RAVE and was assaulted by the security guard working at the closed motel where the party was.
I am really not much of a party girl – now or then – I was there because Kevin’s date showed up and I had nothing to do but listen to a broken televiosion that got channel 5 on audio but no picture.
Anyway, this guard was a young man I knoew – and personally, I thought he was a little “special needs” before then because I never spent time with him. I liked his mother and his sisters well enough . . . but I was not interrested in him. But, I have digressed. Suffice it to say, he gave me a room to sleep out the party in – as I was not into the scene unfolding there. He woke me up in the morning and told me I could not go home until he ****’d me. A small struggle ensued – obviously I lost.
I tried to act like that didn’t matter and like it was normal and to that end I tried dating him , except that I was always puking when he got near me. I tried telling him to leave me alone, but he would find ways into my apartment.
Eventually, I went to see a doctor because I couldn’t sleep, I felt like crap and I was utterly depressed. I did not know I had missed my cycle becuase I had spotted, and the doctor told me I “had stress”.
Can I just tell you that “That Stress” is a 15 year old high school student now? I have been raising her own my own with help (and fussing) form my family. She is awesome and I adore her.
What I did not adore was this security guard. He was, however repulsed by his mother’s physical appearence – she weighted over 300 pounds. I decided that if I could get to that size, he would leave me alone.
It did. But I can’t live like that. I went to years of therapy and started dating and now I am taking my body back. It feels good.
What made me think of this today? Well, his wife sent me a Facebook request and was obnoxious when I explained that , while I am sure she is a lovely person., I don’t want my friends, family, and personal life available for this man to look at because I won’t feel safe.
Anyway, that was on my mind today . . . and now I have shared instead of eating a Hershey Bar.