this is what gastrict bypass looks like

January 31, 2010 at 12:08 AM | Posted in bariatric surgery | Leave a comment
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kinda cool aint it!

super funny bathtub babies

January 30, 2010 at 11:49 PM | Posted in weight loss | 1 Comment
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“Average” people appriciate Mobile Web

January 28, 2010 at 4:02 PM | Posted in friends, personal stupidness, Sonya | Leave a comment
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This morning Robert Scoble @scobleizer (sorry, I stalk him because his dorkyness is endearing) tweeted that he doesn’t think “average” people understand the importance of the mobile web or having the internet on your phone. I beg to differ.  Phone + Web is what makes the ” Life of Sonya” so entertaining!

Here is a sample of my lunch hour:

I decide I don’t want to make lunch so I use Google Maps to guide me to Costco so I can graze the free samples. While there I  check in at www.foursquare.com and see who else is in the store with me! Someone has a “shout out” that the steaks are on sale today so I walk over and remember that I can’t cook so I think. . . “I wonder if I can get into The Derby for dinner”. 

I could search it  –  *Open the Google Search App, hold down the GREEN power button on my phone and say my search query out loud** or Open Google/BING apps and do a regular search ** or open BEYOND411 SEARCH app and look for Costco** then select the phone number which shows as a link for the restaurant and call, or I can open the web browser to search it, go to the web site, click on the www.OPENTABLE.com link and make my reservation as I stroll past the Costco Coffin display.

Oh, coffin . . funeral, did I send Jen flowers for her grandma’s passing? I know she sent me an e-mail with the memorial details so I open up the e-mail application and search for it. Which e-mail address does she have for me (Seriously, I have like 12 of them. You know where you rank in importance to me based on the email address I give out to you). Nope, not on one of my directly synced emails so I use the GMAIL app and search for the notice. Jen’s email has a link in it to the charity I am supposed to donate to in leu of flowers so I Pay-Pal $40.

This makes me think about how much money I will have when I am old enough to die (I plan on being rediculiously old) so I open the Stanley Morgan app and check on my Old Person Retirement acct balance. Yep, I am still poor in the future. *sigh*

The FUTURE . . aren’t I supposed to be at a party tomorrow? I open the EVITE app and check my RSVP status and then text my best friend to se if she is also going to be there.  When  I see the Skittles I decide I want to make a quick video for her of me throwing Skittles at strangers while yelling “Taste the rainbow – taste it”. I video the bad behavior, post it on YouTube and alert my Facebook status that I have uploaded  a video so everyone can see that I have no social finesse.

With my phone all hot in my hand, I remember @scobelizer saying that the average person doesn’t get why the internet on your phone is so important.  Is he serious? I just have to Tweet back that he is overlooking people like me and then I decide to write this blog in responce. I can e-mail the submission to WordPress or open the WordPress app and type away

I Map, Search, RSVP, Plan, Collaborate, Find people places and things, Blog , Share videos and basically reach out to everyone I know from my phone – while all alone – in an hour. Throughout all of this I have not used my cell phone to make a call.

 I have a BlackBerry and before that a Motorola Q and before that a basic black and white flip phone and on all of them – I have had internet access.  Thank you VERIZON Wireless for giving me access to the rest of the world! I’ve been  on cruise ships surreptitiously Googleing the name of the first team to win the World Series (Boston Americans defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates 5-3). Only the waiter knew I wasn’t a genius because he could see my phone under the table.

Basically, the joke is that I don’t have a brain in my head because I have goodle and BING in my pocket!

Sugar Daddy customer service ROCKS

January 27, 2010 at 3:57 PM | Posted in personal stupidness, Sonya | Leave a comment
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Seriously, I have never had anyone so invested in getting me hooked up! I like that they care about my weekend plans.

This is the email I got this morning.

“SugarDaddyForMe.com is introducing a new service to let Sugar Babies like you know which Sugar Daddies in your area have no special plans for this weekend and are available and eager to meet a Sugar Baby like you.
Please setup your Weekend Planner (instruction below) to let us know if you are available to meet a handsome and generous Sugar Daddy in your area. We will send you an email later this week with the usernames and photos of all the Sugar Daddies in your area who are free this weekend and which night(s) they are available to meet. We want to make it as easy as we can for you to meet the Sugar Daddy of your dreams this weekend.

 To setup your Weekend Planner, visit the site and login.
In the Control Panel, click on the Weekend Planner to see your calendar. Use the weekend calendar interface to let other members know when you are available to meet. Other members will be able to see your schedule and know when you are free or busy. We will take care of the rest.
So go ahead and Try it now.”

– So, if their calendar would sync to my CrackBerry and Google calendar, and FaceBook Events – I might actually have a chance. I would have more luck if they ha da reverse member search so I would know which members are looking for a short , fat and cranky girl who just really only wants to be fed!

Why I cringe when I’m called “Baby”

January 27, 2010 at 12:04 AM | Posted in weight loss | Leave a comment

 

Not Gary Busey GaryJBusey

If you forget her name just call her "Baby". #BuseyTips

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Sugar Daddy?

January 26, 2010 at 12:07 AM | Posted in weight loss | Leave a comment

Internet candy? Oh yah, there is something entertaining and sweet about checking out all the alternative dating sites.  www.SugarDaddyForMe is just the right flavor to make me drool at the candy store.

sugar_daddyI mean really – men lining up just to GIVE me money? Ummm, sign a girl up! So of course, in the interest of science, Social Science, I did sign up. Twice. WHAT? What’s your problem, you know this is some funny stuff!

First of all, I have to say THANK you photo approvers for making sure the pictures are actual face pics. No sunrises and no “Body part catalog” images -  you know – (in case I want gender re-assignment surgery and need to find the perfect Replacement Part).

But, some of these men should really proof read. How am I supposed to believe you had the brains to earn lots of money when you write “I prefer a 4 start hotel”? Did you maybe mean “Four star”?

Now, what research project would be complete without thorough field work? I took one for the team and in the name of science, I have been allowing ridiculously rich men to wine and dine me. Oh, the humanity.

And oh, ewww,  get your hands off me! Let’s start with the little teenagers posing as “Sugar Daddies”. Also, married men who “love my wife but flirting is fun”, guys who think a 401K is the number of cereal boxes it takes to build a dog house, or who think our first meal should be breakfast – in bed – six hours after the start of the date.

Of course the women in this site are no treasures either. Women who claim to have “Class” but I think I might be able to diagnose breast cancer from their picture or some of them should have said they have ass, because that is literally what they posted a picture of.

All in all, I recommend it for something different. Me? I love dating because I  love meeting strangers. Strangers are like candy and i just can’t get enough even if I do get a Sugar Daddy or two.

The LIST

January 24, 2010 at 6:30 PM | Posted in personal stupidness, Sonya | 1 Comment
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As promised, these are the lists that explain why I am not married – basically, the lists seem to be self exclusive and there have been no crossovers. Be aware that this is a work in progress and may change at any time.

I love men, I think they are the coolest creation ever. But I love real men, not little boys who just got old and never developed their own identity, personality or character.

Don’t expect too many celebrities on my list, the only famous men I tend to reference are The Three O’Neils:  Shaq, Tip and Ed because if I could smoosh them into one man – I would be delighted.

so here goes . . .

“Taller, Smarter and Nicer Than I Am” list of men I think should ask me to marry them, because I might say yes . . .

Dr. Hunter . – I have been smitten for 17 years or so. He’s an adorable old guy with advanced science degrees, tall, funny and nerdily shy. Since I am none of those things, you could expect the “opposites attract” theory to work in my favor – but mostly I just horrify him by being super loud and well…me! Also, I think the cyber stalking thing may have freaked him out a lil’ bit.

2. CompuSofty Chris. Nope, not his real name, but close enough. Have you ever just looked at a man and realized that you have never seen anyone that handsome in your life and you compare everyone else to him? Well, that’s Chris.  He’s a MENSA member, and musical as well as a first class geek. And, although he sincearly sucked as a boyfriend
(hello, Valentine’s Day and my birthday are TWO SEPERATE occasions) I have to keep my distance or I will be sucked right back in, Disturbingly, he marries EVERYONE but me and once I watched him explain that he would marry his suitcase if it would copulate with him. *sigh, he’s clueless about how I feel and hence, I will remain single.

3. R.S. Hey, if the first grown up man to tell you that you are beautiful doesn’t make the list of men you’d marry – shame on you for being jaded- and so cute that you heard this all the time. Again, very tall, super smart, incidentally rich and my family already likes him. However, he too is scared of me – hey – there is a theme going here. hmmmm

4. Gilmore. Okay, I admit it, I know he’s married to Bryan, but the boy is just hot and he can sing and he knows some entertaining people!Plus, he likes, I mean LIKES to clean. Ya’ll  know that if anyone needs a wife, it’s me and Gilmore wold be perfect!

5. Raphael,. How did I forget hi? He is Kris’s friend and I am always telling him to marry me because 1. he can swing a hammer. 2. he’s super friendly. 3. he’s cure and in his free time he does Iron Man competitions.

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Men I should marry just for their own good . . .

1. C.B. If ever a man needed an anchor and health insurance – it’s this guy. He would, however, have to give up shouting “HeyDirty Whore!” when I pick him up from the train station.  On the bright side, he is very handsome and would look fabulous in a wedding picture – and he would probably let me oogle other men.

2. Mark H. – I have a Social Service crush on Mark because he has been able to do something I ‘ve wanted to do for years which is to travel and discuss, expose and begin curing poverty and homelessness. Mark is as close to a Rock-star celeb as you will find in my list. Again, my best selling asset seems to be that I come with complrehensive health care – I also have a circle of passion and the ability to tell people “No, that’s my dollar because I need to eat too!” He does fit all the taller, smart, and nicer qualifications, and OMG he is hott hott hott, but Mark is relegated to this list because I have already told him this year that he should marry me and he has politely ignored me. Also, he looks liks he probably snores – but that is my sour grapes.

3. Mike. Because it would piss his mother off.

4. BACD the first boy I ever loved and still loved when he grew up to be a man. And, yes, he’s still handsome but possibly stupid (like grab a calendar and do some math stupid). I remember sitting on the kitchen counter at a church or something and having him explain that my need to show up places in my pajamas was the final indicator that nothing serious could grow between us because I didn’t appear to have enough class. However, I think that in hindsight, he might see that someone who looked like they were classy and someone who opperated ethically are completely different . Just sayin’.

9 steps: Prepare for the worst

January 17, 2010 at 10:34 AM | Posted in weight loss | Leave a comment

Today I am preparing for an earthquake. Hey, I live in southern California! I’m making emergency boxes for my car and little ones for around my home because I don’t know where my daughter or I may be trapped or for how long. And, I believe in rescuing myself when possible. What am I missing:
1 water jugs and bottles
2 protein rich food (power bars, nuts, protein shots)
3. Socks! And a change of shoes and clothes
4. Space blanket or regular blanket because I could be w/out heat
5. First aid kit WITH extra medication, needles, and a LIST of any medical issues, a copy of insurance card, and contact information for my Dr’s, family and one out of state contact I can tell I’m okay to.
6. Extra batteries for my cell phone. Phone lines may go down, but in haiti the internet still works: I can tweet (therefore I am)
7 baby wipes, toilet paper and a coffee can w/lid. The most sanitary port a potty I can think of. 8. Flashlight extra batteries, matches and a candle
9 something to read, and something to entertain any kids w/ me.

Let me know if I have missed anything!

And ….

January 16, 2010 at 6:29 PM | Posted in weight loss | Leave a comment

I am full

I almost quit my job

January 13, 2010 at 12:11 PM | Posted in personal stupidness, work | Leave a comment

I picked my attitude: war paint on, hair plastered into braids, I’m wearing Yoga pants so I can get up and down from the floor where I’ve stacked and prioritized my work.

And then the computer attacked. It said “NO”! Now, I have never failed at anything in my life (except for learning the domestic arts-but I never really tried anyway). I was going to punch that stupid machine and it’s evil side kick NotPrinting4u HP Laser jet!!!
This is Sofia. She scared my computer straight. I made her a sign so now I think we’re even.

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