my favorite pool of all time

May 18, 2010 at 3:17 PM | Posted in personal care, Sonya, water | Leave a comment
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is in California… 

at Hearst Castle

I could learn to like the Arizona D-Backs just to watch a game from here…

 -It is summer and swim season again. YAY!

Protected: Crisis of confidence

April 21, 2010 at 10:21 AM | Posted in cravings, fat, personal care, personal stupidness | Enter your password to view comments.

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food and family

December 27, 2009 at 11:26 PM | Posted in personal care, weight loss | Leave a comment

On Christmas I took Jackie to Disneyland and discovered the Turkey Leg for $8. Super yummy bit between the two of us it remained unfinished. I felt a little guilty not spending the holiday with family but I knew I would have 3 days of family togetherness for my Grandfather’s funeral. Also, every year I give myself the gift of a Brandee free Christmas. However, after last year ( you remember the months of agony because my mother hates me and wants my daughter – the months where half my hair fell out because mom kept telling people who Jackie would rather kill herself than live with me?! )After last year, Jackie and I deserved a holiday to ourselves. It was a wonderful slow day.

Now we are at my Grandmother’s house. Jackie and I woke up and cooked biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs with gravy. Of that, the eggs were the healthiest.  but now I am in a house filled with candy canes, cookies, brownies, pies, etc.

I am not hungry, but the mixture of grief, anxiety and stress is making me want to eat.

I always start out looking cute

July 8, 2009 at 11:05 AM | Posted in friends, personal care, Sonya | 1 Comment
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See, first thing in the morning – I am all put together and as cute as I am going to get:

But by lunch time I am torn up again

Gilmore, Me, and

By the way, Gilmore has the most beautiful eyes.

new make up technique

June 30, 2009 at 5:03 PM | Posted in personal care, personal stupidness | 1 Comment
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So, this morning I discovered that I have a new standard for when my make up is done.
I sit on my bed – a full 15 feet away from the mirror and put on eye liner and colors – like lipstick – until I can see my face without my glasses on.

No, no glamour here – however, I work in a place with more silver and gold outfits than vegas – so I don’t think anyone notices!

Why did I gain all that weight?

June 29, 2009 at 7:40 PM | Posted in motivation, personal care, personal stupidness, side effects, Sonya | Leave a comment
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Hmm, interesting question. I did it for the reason I have done most of the stupid things in my life. I gained weight because of a boy.
Now, before you go thinking I hooked myself up with a “feeder“, I will tell you all something personal.

If you really don’t want to know what goes on in the deep dark, personal bits of me – you should probably stop reading right about NOW. Okay, you have been warned.
I don’t really advertise it, and it doesn’t really matter in my everyday life – but I am one of the 1 in 4 women you know who was um, sexually violated and suffered abuse at the hands of a man. I was 21 years old, had gone to a RAVE and was assaulted by the security guard working at the closed motel where the party was.
I am really not much of a party girl – now or then – I was there because Kevin’s date showed up and I had nothing to do but listen to a broken television that got channel 5 on audio but no picture.
Anyway, this guard was a young man I knew – and personally, I thought he was a little “special needs” before then because I never spent time with him. I liked his mother and his sisters well enough . . . but I was not interested in him. But, I have digressed. Suffice it to say, he gave me a room to sleep out the party in – as I was not into the scene unfolding there. He woke me up in the morning and told me I could not go home until he ****’d me. A small struggle ensued – obviously I lost.
I tried to act like that didn’t matter and like it was normal and to that end I tried dating him , except that I was always puking when he got near me. I tried telling him to leave me alone, but he would find ways into my apartment. He and I were part of the same circle of friends, I didn’t have the words for what had happened and it was years before I did. What eventually helped me the most was a letter that he, of all people, wrote to me where he said “I can see how you might call what I did rape. I did not mean to hurt you.”
Eventually, I went to see a doctor because I couldn’t sleep, I felt like crap and I was utterly depressed. I did not know I had missed my cycle because I had spotted, and the doctor told me I “had stress”. Can I just tell you that “That Stress” is a 15 year old high school student now? -( But wait, it gets better. This happened 2.5 weeks after the last time I slept with a boy I really loved. By the time I found out that I was pregnant… he was already in love with someone else and this was before the OJ trial. Not knowing who her father is has saved my life and sanity at various points in the last decade and a half. )I have been raising her own my own with help (and fussing) from my family. She is awesome and I adore her.
What I did not adore was this security guard. He was, however repulsed by his mother’s physical appearance – she weighted over 300 pounds. I decided that if I could get to that size, he would leave me alone.
It did. But I can’t live like that. I went to years of therapy and started dating and now I am taking my body back. It feels good.
What made me think of this today? Well, his wife sent me a Facebook request and was obnoxious when I explained that , while I am sure she is a lovely person., I don’t want my friends, family, and personal life available for this man to look at because I won’t feel safe.
Anyway, that was on my mind today . . . and now I have shared instead of eating a Hershey Bar.

oops, I need 7 dwarfs!

May 28, 2009 at 1:55 PM | Posted in body, body parts. mouth, personal care, Sonya, weight loss | Leave a comment

I was soo tired of looking at all my white hair, and frankly, I needed something else to obsess about other than my weight and size changes – so I had the cheapest har dye in my bathroom, sat myself on the balcony and colored my hair DARK BROWN – um, looks more like black to me! I am hopeing it lightens up or I will have to avoid eating apples all together and will start (oh heck, continue) singing to the birds!

Bras and breasts

March 25, 2009 at 2:54 PM | Posted in body, clothes, personal care, size changes | 1 Comment

Don’t get excited and think I am going PORN on you – this is not the time or the place.

Some of my surgery friends insist that when I lose weight I will lose breast mass too. Maybe it is because I am younger than they are and much of my breasts are still breast tissue and not fat – but really, they are almost the same size they were 107 pounds ago.

My circumfrance has changed, so my bra size has changed accordingly and I need to boggie over to Creative Woman, Wizard of Bra’s in Monrovia ASAP. Until I am using some of KG’s hand-me-downs which sometimes makes me look like I have 4 breasts, and sometimes are just odd feeling.

However I have been having massive right shoulder pain lately. But, what I discovered is that the cheapr bras are less supportive and I am getting deep grooves on my shoulders and knots in my neck, shoulder and under the shoulderblade so that by 4pm I can not lift my right arm. So, for now I am wearing an older bra that I have tailored. 42 H – how can that be a bra size anyways?

“I dont wanna be a fat cell on the body of Christ”

March 15, 2009 at 6:42 PM | Posted in fat, personal care, Sonya | 1 Comment

Calm down, it’s just me, and I promise I am not a Bible Thumper. You know how those folks creep me out. However, I did have the opportunity to join the Health Ministries at my church (cuz really, me and God are chatty).

So today I am sitting there among some pretty smart cookies (drool – I said cookies) and listening to them plan 100 mile bike rides and long walks, as well as overall health awareness – and I had this slogan pop into my head :

“I don’t want to be a fat cell on the Body of Christ”
Am I too old for the giggles? I think I like it though and may make myself a t-shirt in my cafepress store.

Christina and Ron

March 2, 2009 at 9:01 PM | Posted in friends, personal care, pictures, support, vitamins | 5 Comments

Look hot hot they are!
I tool a picture to prove they were at the meeting! Wow, the puffyness is gone from Ron’s face, and no one has ever looked more beautiful while preggo as Christina. I am tempted to pay her to take me shopping!

Christina is a good girl and drags this:
around and takes her pills and vitamins all day.

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