fatness

whoomp – the sound of everything hitting the fan

#fb Hello people,  Jax has my phone today so I can not tweet, text, or Facebook until 6 pm. OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!

So, let me tell you all what’s up…

First of all,

Super cool, Bold & the Beautiful is growing a story line out of skid row and going to be discussing homelessness and including the real stories of actual people – and the “actors” on the show are actual residents of Skid Row who have been paid for their time. Pretty cool – weven if they are only paid $40 – that’s enough for good tennis shoes to get them through the rainy season. I applaud.

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I went to Jackie’s Back to School Night and her teachers love her. They know who she is and all had wonderful things to say about her and her participation in class.  The shocker there is that Jackie has spoken in front of other people 🙂 She is working hard and getting great results. Her internship t the Zoo is not what she expected – but I love to hear all the information she learns every Sunday.

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It has been a week since the day DC said he would have the time to tell me his plan. Guess what ?!?!? No plan from him yet – so

• Financially
• Physically
• Emotionally

This kid and I are on our own; if one more person tells me “he will come around” – I may start screaming and never stop. Resist the urge to tell me to file for child support or lecture me on the importance of a child having two parents. Don’t insult me. The person you should be discussing that with is DC.  I can not control what anyone else will do – I can only be responsible for my own self.

If YOU have a problem with my plan – please talk to HIM about it. NOT ME. If you feel compelled to scold, correct, guide, or undermine my solution – understand that you and I will no longer be friends. I am not inviting your opinion – I am telling you mine.

He knows where I live, that my door is always open (or he can find the hidden key), I have shown up at his door, given up weekend plans to be at his beck and call as instructed (though he never called . . .), asked him written him, texted him, called him and faxed him  – talked to him, whispered, yelled, cried and exhausted everything I know to get him to tell me what he wants.

Dead baby. That’s all I got from him. He wants the baby aborted, transplanted into someone else, or anything but in his life.

Continued attempts to get him to talk just give me anxiety attacks and the novelty of driving myself to the ER at 11 pm has worn off. Asking him to take me was a mistake (he went to bed and turned off his phone) and a learning experience – I learned that I did this to myself and it is NOT his fault, problem or responsibility that I am pregnant. 

Now his emotional terrorism has moved on to telling me painful lies about my mother and daughter. According to DC my mom has “apologized” to him for my behavior and said I have been mean to my folks. Also: Jackie has told him that she wants to run away and live with her best friends. (I can find no phone record showing Jax & DC have ever spoken on the phone . . . and my mom flatly denies his claim. I put stock in that because usually my mom enjoys her digs at me and wouldn’t lie about it). Also, I learned that I have been using him for , umm, physical intimacy. Although, please note that since my doctor banned me from anything like that – DC has made absolutely no effort to see me. Nice.

The stress of planning for this baby and the ever-present concern of my mother’s failing health – raising Jackie and pulling a full-time job with clients who are homeless parents . ..  it is all I can do. I don’t have the luxury of being able to deal with DC too.

again: If YOU have a problem with my plan – please talk to HIM about it. NOT ME.

I am trying to figure out how I can pay for a 2 (or  – three I really want my own bedroom) bedroom apartment and looking for all the side jobs I can find to financially swing it. I need to find something within a mile of Jackie’s school so she can walk home. I would have thought about moving home to Arcadia but the rent and child care are more expensive out there and that is definitely out of the question. (and since I am not my kid brother – there is absolutely no chance my parents will purchase an “investment property” and let me live there)

If you have job suggestions – those you may share. I can not leave MAXIMUS right now (first of all, I love it) because I have health insurance here.